Hef can’t make babies

Holly Madison is finally opening up (”opening up” heh heh heh) about her shocking breakup with Hugh Hefner that everyone saw coming (”coming” heh heh heh . . . I really need to grow up). She told In Touch Weekly:

“The only way I could be happy staying there was if we’d turned our relationship into something more traditional. I wanted to have kids. When that wasn’t possible, I realized that I had to be honest with Hef and break it off.”

You mean Holly wanted to be with someone more “traditional” than an 80-year-old porn peddler who lives in a mansion built on exposed labias? But where could she ever find such a guy? Frankly, at this point Holly could hook up with King Tut’s mummified remains and that relationship would still be considered more socially acceptable. And unlike Hef, he’d at least be hard.

[Flynet, WENN]

Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt leaving XIV restaurant in Hollywood (10/14)

See that car Heidi and Spencer are sitting in? See it? It’s a $400,000 Rolls Royce Phantom. It’s not a rental. From TMZ:

Heidi and Spencer showed up LC last night at her own party. You’ll recall LC just got a $118,000 Audi. The Hateables one-upped that by rolling up in a Rolls Royce Phantom. We did some checking and were told H/S really did buy the car for around $400,000. Apparently, Jesus loves 24″ inch rims. Chauffeur not included. (Source)

Sure a Rolls Royce is nice but I’m partial to my ‘83 Subaru BRAT. Boy does its engine purrrrrrr like a kitten. I have to carry a stick in the front seat to beat off all the women throwing panties at me . . . *sigh* . . . does anybody know if one of those sporks from KFC is sharp enough to cut through your carotid artery?

[BauerGriffinOnline, Flynet]

Kristin Cavallari

Former Laguna Beach star Kristin Cavallari at the Kristin Cavallari at the Los Angeles premiere of Max Payne held at the Mann’s Grauman Chinese Theater in Hollywood (10/13)

[Pacific Coast News, BauerGriffinOnline, WENN]

David Duchovny and Tea Leoni in 2007

Despite appearing together earlier this month at the Czech Days Festival in New York, confirmed sex-addict David Duchovny and his wife of 11 years, Tea Leoni, have actually been separated for months. The couple’s reps released a joint statement yesterday:

“In light of continuous speculation over the lives and marriage of Tea Leoni and David Duchovny, the couple has confirmed that they have in fact been separated for several months. The couple had hoped to keep this separation private for the sake of their children.”

Duchovny, 48, has been married to actress Leoni since 1997. They have two children, daughter Madelaine West, 9, and son Kyd, 6.

The actor voluntarily entered rehab last summer “for the treatment of sex addiction,” he said in a statement issued in August. (Source)

David Duchovny had to go to rehab to quell his insatiable sex drive? I thought the scientific cure for that was called “marriage”? Let this story be a lesson to all of you out there who are thinking about changing yourself* just to please your spouse: Don’t. If you want to make sure you both will live happily ever after, do what most Americans do: Get a divorce.

*See: Charlie Sheen/Denise Richards, Star Jones/Al Reynolds, and Anne Heche/Ellen Degeneres.

[Pacific Coast News]

Gwyneth Paltrow and Madonna in London (4/14)

Madonna’s friend/spotter Gwyneth Paltrow spent months “begging” her not to divorce Guy Ritchie. FAIL. A source told the Daily Mail:

“Gwyneth begged Madonna all summer not to be an idiot and let this marriage fall apart. Gwyneth is in love with [Madonna’s son David Banda] and sees him several times a week while she’s in London, and she has as much at stake as anyone in seeing his parents stay together. She just doesn’t think it’s possible that Madonna and Guy would hurt their children by splitting up, and says she has actively advised both of them to put their problems and their egos aside for the sake of the children. But Madonna can be very hard-headed and treats Gwyneth like a younger sister. If Madonna goes through with a divorce it’s going to break Gwyneth’s heart and affect their friendship permanently.” (Source)

It’s gonna be funny looking back on this story when Gwyneth Paltrow gets a divorce next year. And don’t think that shit’s not coming. I could hold my breath underwater longer than I could happily stay married to Gwyneth Paltrow.

[BauerGriffinOnline]

Mischa Barton bikini pics!

Mischa Barton in Malibu (March 08)

NOTE: 9 more Mischa Barton bikini pics on PAGE 2 (CLICK HERE)

CLICK HERE to jump to 9 more Mischa Barton bikini pics on PAGE 2

John and Jen’s hotel hookup

Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer were seen together Tuesday night at the Sunset Tower Hotel in Hollywood. Early reports indicate the couple had hot and sweaty makeup sex in the shower. But I must stress, in the rush to report news, early reports are often inaccurate. There’s a very real possibility John bent Jen over the dresser.

[BauerGriffinOnline]

Justin Gaston is a pervert

Just when you thought 15-year-old Miley Cyrus’ relationship with her 20-year-old boyfriend Justin Gaston couldn’t get any creepier, they had to go and get milkshakes Tuesday night. What a great picture. The milkshake emphasizes Miley’s youth and innocence, while the spoon-feeding really drives home the fact that Justin is a calculating predator. If I hear that he takes Miley trick or treating, I swear to God I’m gonna personally drive to L.A. and place the guy under citizen’s arrest. You’re on notice Justin.

[Splash News, BauerGriffinOnline, Pacific Coast News]

NSFW!

Don’t click the picture. Just trust me dude, don’t click the picture.

(more…)

Christina Aguilera performing at the Africa Rising Festival in London (10/14)

If you’re Christina Aguilera and your boobs look like that, wouldn’t you maybe want to cover them up? I mean, good god man! When did she buy those things? 2003? Can she still get her money back? I’ve seen chicks born in the ’20s with better looking boobs than that.

[WENN]