Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson leaving Chinawhite nightclub in London (11/13)

Lindsay Lohan was set to host the World Music Awards over the weekend until Samantha Ronson made her pull out (”pull out” . . . heh heh heh) because she was jealous of co-host Jesse Metcalfe. From Entertainmentwise:

The Mean Girls star – whose relationship with Sam has been rumoured to be on the rocks lately – was lined up to host the event with the Desperate Housewives star - until she mysteriously backed out. According to UK reports, Sam couldn’t bear the thought of her girl getting close to another man, prompting Lindsay to duck out of her hosting duties. (Source)

Apparently Sam is the type of girlfriend most guys have nightmares about. She gets jealous easily, she’s unattractive, and she has a slightly larger than average sized penis. Of course, a fight between Jesse and Sam over Lindsay’s affections would probably be pretty even. Especially since Jesse fights like a girl and Sam’s pretty good with her fists.

[WENN, BauerGriffinOnline]

Lindsay Lohan leaving a polling station yesterday in Los Angeles

Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson’s rumored wedding is gonna have to be put on hold. California voters last night narrowly passed Proposition 8, which eliminates the right of same-sex couples to marry. Lohan is holding out hope due to a loophole in the law which allows marriage “if your partner looks like she probably has a penis.”

[WENN]

Lindsay Lohan at Panda Express in L.A. (11/3)

All these dumb stories about Lindsay Lohan settling down are gonna make it all the more satisfying when she finally explodes in an orgy-filled, coke-snorting, DUI-gettin’ weekend. Regarding her new quiet life with the Mrs., Lindsay told Extra:

“I watch a lot of TV. More than I’ve every watched because I don’t go out every night. There’s nothing that I really have to go out anymore for. I’m out with Samantha and she’s DJ’ing and so I am supporting her. [As for scrapes with the law and drug problems] I’ve learned my lesson at an early age and I am very thankful for that.” (Source)

Awe shucks, ma’am. I can just see it now, Lindsay and Samantha and friends sitting around the dinner table on Thanksgiving like they’re the cast of 7th Heaven. Everyone has happy smiles on their faces, looking at the table with anticipation and joy. Except they’re not looking at a turkey fresh out of the oven. Oh no, they’re looking at a brand new pack of D batteries and a rather large back massager that smells like yesterday’s tuna surprise.

[Flynet]

Joe Francis slams Samantha Ronson on the Tyra Banks Show

Is there anyone in Hollywood — without the last name Ronson — that actually likes Samantha Ronson? Certainly not Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis. He blasted Ronson on the Tyra Banks Show earlier this week, calling her a “wretched woman.” Recap via PopEater:

During the episode, Francis calls Ronson “very jealous. Samantha tried to start a fight with me. I care about Lindsay - she’s not gay. She’s being controlled by this . . . wretched woman, this Samantha.”

The feud began during the VMA party on Sept. 7 when Francis approached Lohan and Ronson’s table. Ronson recalls the evening, “He said hello to Lindsay and looked over at me as if I wasn’t a human being. He’s got no manners.” Lohan blogged on her MySpace a few weeks ago about the on-going feud. “Joe Francis has no place in saying anything about Samantha . . . especially after all the shit he has done.” (Source)

Ah, true love. There’s nothing like a Shakespearean tragedy ghostwritten by Jerry Springer to make me feel alive. In one corner you have the most famous pervert in the world, the man most responsible for squashing the Playboy empire and, unbelievably, lower the bar of human behavior at spring break with the power of his mighty video cam and free t-shirt. In the other corner, you have a woman who looks like Gollum with a more powerful tongue and thicker fingers. Let us not forget the object of their “affection” is a confused attention whore stuck in the middle of this shit sandwich. A reprehensible waste of skin but undoubtedly a great lay. There’s gonna be an epic battle for the domination of that firecrotch, and decisions will need to be made. Who will it be? The bull dyke who spins records and can suck start a wave-maker? Or will it be the guy who’s only accomplishment is getting paid for saying “take your top off” on camera to 14-year-olds. True love.

[WENN]

*knock knock knock* “It’s Lindsay. I want back in.”

Lindsay Lohan’s telling anyone who’ll listen that she’s still into penis. And vagina — but just Sam’s. *shudders* A friend of her’s told the New York Daily News:

“She has been telling everyone over and over that she’s still into guys. She keeps saying if anything went wrong with Sam she would date a guy next. She even flirts with guys when they go out.”

But that doesn’t mean she isn’t hopelessly devoted to the Ronson. Pals say the pair are still googly-eyed for each other. Linds is just keeping her options open. Insiders tell us that Lindsay even goes on the record saying she’s not officially a lesbian in an upcoming magazine interview. So for now, we’ll just call her a fauxmosexual. (Source)

This story has “Publicist in Damage-Control” written all over it. Don’t believe the hype that Lindsay is switching teams. This is just a last ditch attempt at salvaging her career before she’s on Hollywood Squares on a permanent basis. Eventually she’s gonna blame homophobic America for not accepting her as a serious actress because she joined the Munchers Brigade, but we all know better. Even though I lost my psychic powers when I was six, I can still detect auras. And trust me when I tell you that Lindsay’s aura smells like four-day-old salmon.

NOTE: Whoever thought up the term “fauxmosexual” should be beaten to a pulp. And then set on fire.

[WENN]

Sam and Lindsay in New York (10/14)

Lesbian fight! Lesbian fight! From the New York Post:

Samantha Ronson deserves a medal for putting up with gal pal Lindsay Lohan. The two took the Acela train to Washington on Thursday and “had a quiet fight” the whole time, our spy says. Lohan spent most of the time complaining about her staff and told Ronson, “I do what’s good for you, not what’s best for both of us.” Lohan was “whining incessantly and Samantha was trying to deflect it. When Lindsay would get up, Samantha would sigh and put her sweatshirt hood back up.” At one point, it escalated to Lohan telling Ronson, “Don’t (bleeping) lie to me!” (Source)

OK, I have to take ol’ Firecrotch’s side on this one. If you’re gonna be stuck on a train for hours and all you can do to kill time is play “hide the banana,” the least your girlfriend can do is have her “special area” cleaned and disinfected. And spraying Old Spice into it doesn’t count, either. Don’t lie about it, just do it. We all smell it, Sam. We all smell it.

[INFDaily.com]

Lindsay Lohan at a screening of Filth and Wisdom in New York (10/13)

So maybe Lindsay and Sam aren’t breaking up. MTV UK claims the opposite: they’re getting married. Sam allegedly proposed during their recent Mexican getaway. From MTV UK:

The couple were said to be having dinner by the beach when a waiter came over to the table and revealed a diamond ring which had been hidden beneath a silver tray.

A source who witnessed the proposal at the £1,500 a night hotel the girls were staying at has said “It was a gorgeous ring with a big diamond. Sam asked her if she would marry her and the waiter popped a champagne cork as Lindsay accepted.” (Source)

Awwww, how romantic. If only Lindsay had yelled “HOLY SHIT YOU’RE PREGNANT?!” then it would have been just like my mom and dad’s proposal.

[WENN]

Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson at Madonna’s concert last night in New York

Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson have hit a rocky patch in their relationship and are on the verge of breaking up, an anonymous source claims to the Daily Mail. The couple apparently fight on a near daily basis. The source said:

“Sam needs her space away from Lindsay and really needs to take a long look at what the future of this relationship can be. Sam’s friends have been saying for a while that Lindsay still likes men as well as women. And for Lindsay’s part, she’s still caught up in her partying ways. Samantha doesn’t need that in her life, not now, not ever. If these two are going to be together for the long term, Lindsay is the one who’s going to have to change, calm down, and get real. Sam’s made that very clear to her. Clearly, they were spending a little too much time together, and Samantha was the one who said Lindsay was getting in the way, and even acting obsessive at times. Samantha DJ’ed three big parties around the Emmy weekend in Los Angeles, and Lindsay was practically on top of her for every minute of those gigs. Lindsay was behaving in a very smothering way. For a man or a woman, it can be hard when your girlfriend insists on going to work with you every day. The problem here is that Samantha is intent on being taken seriously as a DJ, and the Lindsay sideshow was starting to overwhelm that.” (Source)

These two just need to fist and make up. What I can’t believe is that Sam actually thinks Lindsay is hurting her DJ career. Christ, before these two met Sam was DJing Bar Mitzvah’s and Sweet 16s. Perhaps these two just got tired of being around each other 24/7. Its like my Grandfather used to say, “House guests are like fish. After three days, they both begin to stink.” Of course in Lindsay’s case, it’s kind of hard to differentiate the two.

[Splash News]

Sam scoping out Lindsay’s rack

I think Lindsay’s pretty serious about this whole lesbianism thing. This is the second straight day she’s worn that bikini. Even Sam’s wearing a new bikini (if you can take your eyes off those hot, spindly legs of hers to notice). No way the straight Lindsay of a few years ago would have been caught dead in the same swimsuit twice in two days. Something else straight Lindsay wouldn’t have been caught dead in? Panties.*

*please note the judges would have also accepted “An empty bed” or “A monogamous relationship.”

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Samantha Ronson and Lindsay Lohan bikini pics! (Los Cabos, Mexico - 9/30)

Here’s some more of that hot lesbian action I promised earlier this morning. That’s Scrabble that Lindsay and Sam are playing. Scrabble and cigarettes. What a wild and crazy vacation. Maybe tomorrow they’ll play Jenga. Oh no! It’s teetering on the edge!

NOTE: 12 more Lindsay and Sam pics on PAGE 2 (CLICK HERE)

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