Lindsay Lohan arriving to the Mahiki nightclub in London (11/18)

Everything is right with the world again. Paris Hilton is single and Lindsay Lohan has been getting trashed every night in London for the past week. Look at those bags under her eyes. I can’t wait until she gets home. “No, no, no, I can drive. I god to swear I’m OK to drive.” I think she may actually kill somebody this time.

[Flynet]

Lindsay Lohan leaving Faces nightclub in London (11/16)

Lindsay Lohan was doused with flour early Saturday morning by a protester in Paris. From PETA’s blog:

Lindsay Lohan’s tan turned noticeably paler tonight after an anti-fur activist showered her with flour at a nightclub in Paris. Lindsay was on her way into the VIP room on the Champs-Elysées just after 1 a.m. early Saturday when she had an entire bag of flour dumped over her head by a French fur foe who shouted, “Lindsay Lohan—fur hag!” (Source)

This isn’t the first time Lindsay’s found herself covered from head to toe in a messy white substance. It is however the first time it wasn’t done by six dudes in clown suits recreating a Peter North scene. I’m guessing this whole incident must have caused traumatic flashbacks for Lindsay In her younger days, she never would have let white powder end up on her clothes . . . it would have ended up her nose.

NOTE: With all of that flour and her yeast (*pukes in mouth*), she may have finally found her next acting gig: a cooking show.

[BauerGriffinOnline]

Lindsay Lohan bikini candids!

Lindsay Lohan in Miami (Jan. ‘06)

NOTE: 14 more Lindsay Lohan bikini candids on PAGE 2 (CLICK HERE)

CLICK HERE to jump to 14 more Lindsay Lohan bikini candids on PAGE 2

Calum Best outside Chinawhite nightclub last night

I posted some pics earlier of Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson leaving Chinawhite nightclub in London last night. Turns out Lindsay ran into her ex-fling Calum Best in the club. I wonder if she introduced him to Sam? “Sam, this is Calum, I dated him for a few weeks last year before he discovered cake and I discovered the joy of batteries.”

[Pacific Coast News, WENN]

Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson leaving Chinawhite nightclub in London (11/13)

Lindsay Lohan was set to host the World Music Awards over the weekend until Samantha Ronson made her pull out (”pull out” . . . heh heh heh) because she was jealous of co-host Jesse Metcalfe. From Entertainmentwise:

The Mean Girls star – whose relationship with Sam has been rumoured to be on the rocks lately – was lined up to host the event with the Desperate Housewives star - until she mysteriously backed out. According to UK reports, Sam couldn’t bear the thought of her girl getting close to another man, prompting Lindsay to duck out of her hosting duties. (Source)

Apparently Sam is the type of girlfriend most guys have nightmares about. She gets jealous easily, she’s unattractive, and she has a slightly larger than average sized penis. Of course, a fight between Jesse and Sam over Lindsay’s affections would probably be pretty even. Especially since Jesse fights like a girl and Sam’s pretty good with her fists.

[WENN, BauerGriffinOnline]

In an interview with Access Hollywood’s Maria Menounos, Lindsay Lohan says the election of Barack Obama was “an amazing feeling — it’s our first, ya’ know, colored president.” Yeah, she actually called a black guy in 2008 “colored.” Lindsay, we don’t use that term anymore. Oh, and “colored” people, as you so eloquently put it, are allowed to eat at lunch counters nowadays. Shoot me an email (celebslam@gmail.com) if you need anything else cleared up (like who’s now allowed to ride in the front of the bus — the news may shock you).

Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson leaving a jewelry store in Beverly Hills (11/6)

Lindsay Lohan still refuses to admit she’s a lesbian. In this month’s Harper’s Bazaar, Lindsay takes a tiny first (swear to god I misspelled that “fist” the first time I wrote this) step and admits she’s bi. From the New York Post:

A coy Lindsay Lohan insists that she isn’t a lesbian and barely cops to being bisexual - but admits that she’s dating a “wonderful” woman with whom she’s madly in love, according to a new interview with the starlet. “I think it’s pretty obvious who I’m seeing,” Lohan told Harper’s Bazaar magazine. Nonetheless, she pointedly refused to name her lady love, LA DJ Samantha Ronson. When asked if she considered herself a bisexual, Lohan answered, “Maybe. Yeah.” But she was adamant that she wasn’t a lesbian, giving an emphatic, “No,” when asked. (Source)

Let’s get something straight (pun intended). If you have a vagina and your girlfriend does too, then you’re a lesbian. End of story. Going down on someone of the same sex is the trump card of sexuality. It beats everything else. I don’t care if you like guys or not, you’re gay. Lindsay should just be honest with herself. Other than a puppeteer and a proctologist, only a lesbian would have their fist so far up another person . . . or spend Saturday nights practicing their Kegel exercises on each other’s tongue*.

*Dare: I dare you to go to sleep tonight with the above image in your head.

[BauerGriffinOnline, Pacific Coast News]

Lindsay Lohan at Pure nightclub in Las Vegas (11/7)

I know cloning human beings is still in its infancy and there’s still a lot of kinks to be worked out, but this is just ridiculous. Someone better be getting fired over this.

[WENN, Pacific Coast News]

Lindsay Lohan leaving a polling station yesterday in Los Angeles

Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson’s rumored wedding is gonna have to be put on hold. California voters last night narrowly passed Proposition 8, which eliminates the right of same-sex couples to marry. Lohan is holding out hope due to a loophole in the law which allows marriage “if your partner looks like she probably has a penis.”

[WENN]

Lindsay Lohan at Panda Express in L.A. (11/3)

All these dumb stories about Lindsay Lohan settling down are gonna make it all the more satisfying when she finally explodes in an orgy-filled, coke-snorting, DUI-gettin’ weekend. Regarding her new quiet life with the Mrs., Lindsay told Extra:

“I watch a lot of TV. More than I’ve every watched because I don’t go out every night. There’s nothing that I really have to go out anymore for. I’m out with Samantha and she’s DJ’ing and so I am supporting her. [As for scrapes with the law and drug problems] I’ve learned my lesson at an early age and I am very thankful for that.” (Source)

Awe shucks, ma’am. I can just see it now, Lindsay and Samantha and friends sitting around the dinner table on Thanksgiving like they’re the cast of 7th Heaven. Everyone has happy smiles on their faces, looking at the table with anticipation and joy. Except they’re not looking at a turkey fresh out of the oven. Oh no, they’re looking at a brand new pack of D batteries and a rather large back massager that smells like yesterday’s tuna surprise.

[Flynet]