It"s basically assumed for all celebrities, but Jessica Alba says she hates the paparazzi. She tells Parade magazine: “I could give two shits about them. They’re so lame, I can’t even believe that’s a real job. I can’t imagine they even pay taxes.” How ironic. I usually hate the paparazzi too, except when they"re bringing me pictures of Jessica Alba. When they"re bringing me pictures of Jessica Alba I want to lift them on a pedestal and sacrifice small animals to them. And maybe brush their hair as I hand-feed them grapes. You know, regular stuff. Healthy stuff.

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