Paris Hilton has apparently gotten rid of her pet kinkajou, Baby Luv, because it kept scratching and biting her. Paris was trying to pose for pictures with the kinkajou on her shoulder at an event for Beverly Hill Choppers, but Baby Luv kept clawing and biting her until a handler finally grabbed the animal and put it back in its cage. A few days later, Baby Luv apparently bit Paris so badly she was rushed to the emergency room for a tetanus shot, and that"s when Paris gave her the boot. Paris Hilton clearly has no idea how to handle animals. She"s like Lennie from Of Mice and Men. The animals are getting their bones broken by her and she"s just softly repeating to herself, "So pretty." Source

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Jennifer Love Hewitt showed up to The Envelope Please Oscar Viewing Party looking like her boobs traveled back in time to when they were spectacular. My God, they"re mesmerizing. Godzilla could be fighting Chuck Norris in the background and I wouldn"t notice. I don"t even know what Jennifer Love Hewitt has done recently, but if I was presenting an Academy Award and she showed up like this I"d just start drooling and hand it over to her. The category wouldn"t even matter. Best Sound Editing? Yeah, sure, whatever, just stay out of the way of my imaginary air-squeezing.

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Did I miss something or is weed totally legal now? Drew Barrymore and Cameron Diaz were spotted in their bikinis getting high in what appears to be a public park. Although I can"t tell if that"s from the impaired judgement or because they"re just stupid as hell. They could be doing this in the produce aisle of a supermarket and they still probably wouldn"t realize where they were.

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Last Friday in Los Angeles James Blunt and Petra Nemcova reportedly ran over a guy"s foot who was trying to get their autograph. According to witnesses Blunt and Nemcova then drove off without even checking to see if the injured fan was okay (he wasn"t, he was rolled away on a gurney). I"m guessing they didn"t bother checking on the guy because they were both too busy trying to figure out why or how they were with the other person. No matter how many times I see Petra Nemcova and James Blunt together I"m never gonna understand it. My brain just can"t comprehend why she would choose to be with him. I might as well be looking at a picture of a dog walking a person. Dogs don"t walk people! It"s crazy!

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Pink was spotted at Miami beach in her bikini last week. At least I think it"s Pink. I suspect the photographer may have gotten his photos of Pink mixed up with his photos of, well, a dude. Isn"t there some unwritten rule against wearing a bikini if you look like this? She (he?) looks like she"s three-quarters done with a sex-change operation, only I can"t tell which gender she"s switching from. I"m just glad she"s wearing pants and not a bikini bottom, because by now her vagina probably looks like some sort of claw.

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Jessica Biel obviously got my memo that bras are for losers, because she showed up to the Academy Awards without one. Now I just need to figure out if she got all my other memos. Although they"re less "memos" and more "drawings of her naked." I"ve found that the quickest way to a woman"s heart is to send her drawings of stick figures with giant circle boobs. It"s romantic and it"s art. A bunch more of Jessica Biel letting her breasts hang free after the jump.

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Page Six claims the buzz during the Oscar parties was that Hugh Hefner is getting married before the end of the year to Holly Madison, one of his three girlfriends.

"This is very secret, but the word is "yes," " one insider told Page Six. "Hef has decided he will marry Holly, and he wants it for his show, "The Girls Next Door." Hef thinks business all the time, and looks for a new hook, although he also does really love Holly... Hef sees that she is the most dedicated. Kendra is never there, and they both hate each other, and Bridget is hanging on by being very friendly to Holly."

That Holly sure is a lucky gal. She gets to marry a guy who"s just, what, barely in his 120"s? And has two other girlfriends? And looks like E.T.? It"s like every little girl"s dream come true. They should write fairy tales about her life.

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God, Kirsten Dunst is sexy. And I"m glad she doesn"t follow lame trends, like having straight teeth or looking pretty. Seriously though, how did she even attend the Academy Awards? Doesn"t direct sunlight burn her skin? You"d think she would"ve at least taken bat form.

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It"s kind of a rule that after a big event like the 79th Annual Academy Awards I have to post pictures of people from said event. So, uh, here they are. I"ll put up some of the better ones later, but for now here"s a little sampling to hold you over. And to hold me over? Well I"ve got three horny supermodels and an entire pizza so I think I"ll be okay. A ton more pictures of random celebrities after the jump.

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If you"ve ever wondered why Mischa Barton insists on staying with guys like this apparently it"s because she"s high all the time. I can"t say for sure what"s in that joint she"s smoking, but judging by her taste in men I wouldn"t be surprised if it was insecticide. A few more of Mischa Barton with another winner after the jump.

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