I don"t know how this is news, but Victoria Beckham bleached her hair blonde yesterday. Whee. Now all she needs to fit in with the rest of Los Angeles are implants and a fake tan is a hat that says "I"m from L.A." and she"ll be set. NOTE: If she"s serious about getting skinny she should consider getting her skeleton removed. Look at those arms! Can anbyody say "Moo"?

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Jesus Christ, what happened to Matthew McConaughey? I"m used to seeing him looking like the Wolf Man, so when he shows up looking like this it boggles the mind. How did he go from being part dog to making me feel all confused and tingly inside? Must...find...cure. Source

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Us Weekly has an account of Britney Spears hanging out with two strangers and borrowing their bikini before she checked into rehab for the second time. She allegedly showed up at the Mondrian hotel with a newly bald head but was denied a room due to lack of credit cards or cash. By 11am she had stripped down to her bra and panties and was shaving her legs in the pool bathroom.

"It was sad," says a source. "It looked like she really needed a friend." She got two - at least for a few hours. Around noon, Spears (then in a blonde wig) began chatting up a woman in the bathroom, who offered to loan the pop star a bathing suit. Spears followed her new friend to her hotel room where -- after changing into a borrowed bikini -- she raided the minibar. "She grabbed four or five bottles and just started mixing everything and drinking them."

I"m not sure if lending a bikini to Britney Spears is the best idea. You might as well fill eight syringes with random diseases and start juggling them with you mouth. Source

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Welcome to Boner City. Population: Me. A few more shots of Tori Spelling looking mighty tasty after the jump.

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Paris Hilton was returning from the Virgin Megastore in West Hollywood last night when she was pulled over in her $200,000 Bentley for speeding and driving without her headlights on. When the LAPD checked her license they found it was still suspended from the DUI she got last year so they towed her car and she had to walk across the street to The Standard to hide from the gathering crowd of paparazzi and onlookers. Paris" rep Elliot Mintz tried to explain the situation, saying:

"The parking lot is brightly lit so she had not noticed that her headlights were not activated."

I"ve made that mistake before, but then I looked out my fucking window and realized it was night so I turned my headlights on. Does Paris drive with her eyes closed? She was probably napping. Or, uh, checking out her tranny disguise. Don"t worry, Paris, nobody will ever suspect you might actually be a woman. One more of Paris getting her Bentley towed after the jump.

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Our sibling site Geekologie just got an insane redesign so do yourself a favor and check it out. If you ever feel like you need a break from Paris Hilton and all her wacky hijinks this is the place to go.

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In the latest issue of British Elle, Madonna says she"s worried because her daughter keeps wearing jeans that are too tight. She says:

"My daughter is going through a phase of wearing jeans that are so tight she can"t bend her knees in them. I have a go at her and say, "Can"t you wear something else? You have a closet full of clothes and you wear the same pants every day. And please wear a belt because I don"t want to see your butt crack when you bend over.""

Madonna getting upset with her daughter for dressing too slutty is like Mr. T getting upset with his son for pitying too many fools. I think there was a period in Madonna"s life where all she wore was spaghetti pasta and condoms. NOTE: It looks like Madonna attended a semester of Pink"s School for Looking Like a Dude. And I think she already completed the course on arms.

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You know the best way to distract people from how fat you are? Dress like you"re off to conduct a train. And to make this at least somewhat relevant, Victoria Beckham is in talks to get her own fashion-based reality show on NBC similar to America"s Next Top Model. Because if Posh Spice knows anything, it"s fashion. Choo choooo! One more of Victoria Beckham with her enormous thunder thighs after the jump.

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Britney Spears reportedly booked an entire wing at the Promises treatment facility where she"s currently in rehab. She allegedly wanted to avoid mixing with other patients and was also worried about stories being leaked to the media so she paid for every room in her wing. A source says:

"She wants all the rooms on her wing. It will cost her hundreds of thousands. If that"s what she needs to get well, good for her."

I tried renting out all the rooms at rehab once, but the chick behind the counter said they didn"t accept chewing gum and a paper clip as payment. Then when I handed her my credit card she threw it back at me and said it was a receipt from Denny"s. Plus I ordered a donut and never got it. Man, rehab sucks.

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Jenna Jameson showed up to the 17th Annual Night Of 100 Stars Oscar Gala with Tito Ortiz looking like a, uh, this thing. I have no idea how these two even got in. Even if they were famous enough, you"d think the guy at the door would"ve stopped them and said, "Nuh uh. No mummies allowed." Isn"t she supposed to be a famour pornstar? How is this possibly sexy? Her face looks like a giant tumor.

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