In response to Robert Altman"s death, Lindsay Lohan released a self-written statement yesterday saying:

I would like to send my condolences out to Catherine Altman, Robert Altmans wife, as well as all of his immediate family, close friends, co-workers, and all of his inner circle.

I feel as if I"ve just had the wind knocked out of me and my heart aches. If not only my heart but the heart of Mr. Altman"s wife and family and many fellow actors/artists that admire him for his work and love him for making people laugh whenever and however he could.. Robert altman made dreams possible for many independent aspiring filmmakers, as well as creating roles for countless actors. I am lucky enough to of been able to work with Robert Altman amongst the other greats on a film that I can genuinely say created a turning point in my career. "I learned so much from Altman and he was the closest thing to my father and grandfather that I really do believe I"ve had in several years. The point is, he made a difference. He left us with a legend that all of us have the ability to do. So every day when you wake up. Look in the mirror and thank god for every second you have and cherish all moments. The fighting, the anger, the drama is tedious. Please just take each moment day by day and consider yourself lucky to breathe and feel at all and smile. Be thankful. Life comes once, doesn"t "keep coming back" and we all take such advantage of what we have. When we shouldn"t..... " Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourselves" (12st book) -everytime there"s a triumph in the world a million souls hafta be trampled on.-altman Its true. But treasure each triumph as they come. If I can do anything for those who are in a very hard time right now, as I"m one of them with hearing this news, please take advantage of the fact that I"m just a phone call away. God Bless, peace and love always. Thank You, "BE ADEQUITE" Lindsay Lohan

If you wanna keep kids off drugs just show them this statement and tell them this is how their minds will end up. Did you read it? I read it. Or at least I tried reading it. By the end I thought I was dyslexic. At least she encourages people to shoot for the stars. I mean "Be Adequite"? That"s pretty inspiring advice. You know, for a made up word.

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Britney Spears was reportedly pissed about Jimmy Kimmel"s sketch on the American Music Awards last night when he stuck a look-a-like Kevin Federline in a wooden crate and shipped him out to sea. He called K-Fed "the world"s first ever no-hit wonder" and less than five minutes after the sketch he introduced Britney as a surprise presenter. A rep for her says "she had no idea" about the skit and was "incredibly upset" and "inconsolable." Jimmy Kimmel says he went forward with the sketch because: "I knew they wouldn"t mind because I know they both have great senses of humor." Too soon to be joking about murdering your ex-husband? A little too soon? Considering the stuff he says about her you"d think she came up with the idea for the sketch herself. Although if it was her idea it would"ve been more like: "We"ll get him. And then, and then, and then we"ll shoot him. Right in the face! With a gun! It"ll be so funny! And then we"ll keep shooting him! And then we"ll say, "Now who"s the bitch, bitch?!" And we"ll keep shooting him! It"ll be so funny! And get it? It"s clever too! Shot right in the face! It"s so clever!"

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Kristin Cavallari"s first movie, a remake of the 80"s Revenge of the Nerds, has been permanently shut down just weeks into production because Emory University backed out as a shooting location after seeing the script. I am shocked - shocked - that somebody as famous as Kristin Cavallari would be associated with a script so shoddy everybody involved decided to back out. I mean she was on Laguna Beach. And that was on TV. Real TV. With that kind of star power it"s a wonder she didn"t get her own Star Wars movie.

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Britney Spears is reportedly selling her Malibu house for $13.5 million and is looking to buy a new one in Florida for more than twice that amount. She"s shopping in a Miami area which costs up to $29 million and to pay for it she"s rumored to have negotiated a 20-week, $15 million exclusive performance contract with the Palms Hotel and Casino in Vegas. Good luck to her, because when I was shopping for $29 million houses I didn"t find squat. There was that one place overlooking the ocean, but when I wrote the check the realtor just spit on my face and told me to leave. Apparently $29 million has more than two zeros in it. Go figure. More of Britney Spears at the American Music Awards after the jump.

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Jennifer Lopez Needs To Get Slapped (IDLYITW)
Penelope Cruz Pirelli Pictures (Egotastic!)

The Screech Sex Tape is Here! (Dlisted)
Nicole Richie Parties “All Night Long” (Just Jared)

Britney Spears Goes House Hunting (A Socialite’s Life)
Is Lindsay Lohan Out Of Control? (Pink Is The New Blog)

Lindsay Mourns Robert Altman (Popsugar)
Scarlett’s Boyfriend Flirts with A Brunette (Hollywood Rag)

Gwen Stefani Goes Bald (City Rag)
Kramer Needs Lessons From This Guy (Horny Oyster)

David Blaine Attempts Another Stupid Stunt (Popoholic)
Hot Or Not: Mya (The Bastardly)

Panty Party With Paris (CelebNewsWire)

Hollywood Tuna’s Back Catalogue
Jenna Jameson’s Hotness Not Welcomed
The Two Sides Of Avril Lavigne
Elle Macpherson Ages But Her Nipples Don’t

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Kevin Federline"s lawyer has issued a statement denying the existence of a reported sex tape between him and Britney Spears. He says:

"There is not a sex video of Kevin and Britney in existence. It goes without saying that the stories of Kevin attempting to sell such a video are patently false and anyone who reports that they have information of such attempts is either lying or reporting the lie of someone else."

The porn merchant who was set to sell the tape, David Hans Schmidt, says he was contacted by the seller who "dropped the right names that made me believe he had the tape." Although I don"t know what "the right names" means. Like Kevin Federline? Or Britney Spears? Because there"s no way anybody but the real tape owners could know those names. It"s just not possible.

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The wannabe rapper husband of Britney Spears, Kevin Federline is set to claim that the pop star is a bisexual and that she has begged him for threesomes, according to reports. Federline will also reportedly claim that the pop princess regularly fantasises about women and was desperate to share one with him.
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Just in case you needed more convincing on how much of an idiot Kevin Federline really is, this should seal the deal. If my wife was begging me for some 3rd party participation of the female variety during our usual bedroom exercise sessions, you wouldn’t have to ask me twice. Hell you wouldn’t have to ask me once; I would have already assumed that was part of the deal. Plus it would finally give me a reason to use the emergency button on my speed dial labeled “ESCORT”.

*BTW ladies, I’m not married. So please keep sending me those nude photos.

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-Hey can you blame him?
-Karima Adebibe in a hot sexy bikini
-The world’s hottest DJ
-Gong Show:Licking Twins

-Adult Actress showdown - Tera Patrick vs. Devon (sfw)
-Huges Vs St Pierre
-Formula 1 driver’s girlfriend
-Poor Furby gets microwaved

More Tuna:
Big Fergie Picture Gallery
Charlize Theron Pictures
Brooke Burke Lingerie Pictures

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After a false start, Jessica Simpson and John Mayer are giving dating a try again. The couple met up for an hour-long lunch at Paradise Cove Beach Café in Malibu, California, on November 12.

“She didn’t eat much,” a witness says. “She drank double vodka cranberries. When they got up, Jessica was rubbing his back. You could definitely tell they were on a date.” Mayer left a $40 tip on the $100 bill.
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That John Mayer is very smooth, and seems to have an arsenal of tricks up his sleeve to win Jessica Simpson’s love. The guy is a multi-million selling recording artist. You’d think that in itself would have most girls kissing his feet, but wait, there’s more. By leaving such a huge tip, it shows her that he’s generous too. More points for Johnny boy! And finally, what better way to win a fair maiden’s heart than by getting her liquored up on double vodkas in the middle of the afternoon! I’ve used this same technique myself when wooing a lady, and the outcome is guaranteed nudity. I prefer to buy them triples though. I don’t like leaving anything to chance.

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Jessica Simpson’s Back! And So Are Her Breasts
Jessica Simspon & Dolly Parton Hitting The “Big” Screen Together
Jessica Simpson Lacks Hotness Consistency

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Remember Wayne and Garth head-banging along to Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody in the Wayne’s World movie? That flick had no shortage of memorable, “excellent!” moments. But let’s be honest here; what I remember most about that movie was being 16 years-old and falling in love with Tia Carrere. But then she scraped bottom on bad syndicated TV shows and direct-to-video movies, and a few random tabloid photos over the years suggested that the Tia I once knew and loved had fallen prey to gravity and doughnuts.

But now, ladies and gentleman, may I present to you the new, improved Tia Carrere. All it took were some souped up body parts (I’ll let you guess which) and a see-through top to thrust her back in the spotlight. I hope all you washed-up celebrities are taking notice. You can learn something from Tia.

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Jaime Pressly Pictures
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Sophie Monk Nipple Slip?

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