Harry Morton - the guy Lindsay Lohan has been dating for a little over a month and whose beach house she keeps showing up at - was spotted at Cartier allegedly purchasing an engagement ring. You can check out the pics of Harry at Cartier after the jump, but this shot of him grabbing Lindsay"s ass is way more interesting. Mostly because I don"t know what Harry Morton looks like and very few things trump Lindsay Lohan getting sexually violated in public. They could be pictures of Morton fighting off ninjas with a machine gun and I"d still probably post this one first.

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Here are some new pictures of Alyssa Milano showing off another outfit from her new women’s baseball clothing line Touch. Obviously, whatever Alyssa wears is going to look good unless the outfit doesn’t cover her hairy arms. From the looks of it, this number doesn’t. I fear my obsession with Alyssa and her furry arms is escalating to unhealthy extremes. You see, lately I’ve been having this fantasy where we would be in a Jacuzzi and I’d lather her arms with the finest oatmeal based shaving cream, then I would take a quadruple blade razor and proceed in shaving them completely bare. If you think this sounds twisted I better not tell you the second part to this fantasy because it involves industrial wax and pigeons.

Related Articles:
Alyssa Milano Adds Her Touch To Baseball
Alyssa Milano’s Bringing Fashion To Baseball?
Alyssa Milano & Her Hairy Sexy Mole

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I thought I’d get a few of the disasters from this years MTV Video Music Awards out of the way first. So let’s have a quick look.

Jennifer Lopez takes the prize for worst dressed at the MTV VMAs with this Grace Jones inspired outfit. If it wasn’t for that thing on her head covering her gray hair, she would have looked pretty hot. Oh well, that’s what happens when you try to over accessorize. My God! I actually sound like I know what I’m talking about.

Hmm… I know some girls that would be really into Pink. She’s one hot dude.

If Paris Hilton wasn’t such a whore, she’d be a goose.

Now there were many others that I could have had fun with but why focus on the bad when there were some actual hotties out there. More to come.

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Jennifer Ellison’s Polka Dot Bikini Pictures
Jennifer Ellison Pictures
Jennifer Ellison Pictures
Jennifer Ellison Pictures
Past Picture Moments

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In the most pointless story of the week, Kate Moss has been named Britain"s best hat wearer by a consortium of weirdos aimed at promoting hat wearing. A spokesman for the consortium says:

"Kate manages to wear the most elaborate and extravagant millinery designs with great confidence and aplomb and, most importantly, without the hat seemingly wearing her. She has the face to launch a thousand hat collections and has done much to promote hat wearing in recent years."

And because I laugh in the face of ridiculous associations for ridiculous causes, here are some shots of Kate Moss leaving Miyama restaurant not wearing a hat, including a closeup of her engagement ring. A ring so laughably small it"s often confused with Paris Hilton"s brain.

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Donald Trump has fired his Apprentice co-star Carolyn Kepcher because she was letting the fame go to her head.

"She became a prima donna," said one insider. "Being on "The Apprentice" went to her head. She was no longer focused on business. She was giving speeches for $25,000 and doing endorsements. George has been around a long time. He"s seen everything. He didn"t get excited even when women on the street started screaming when they saw him on his way to work. But Carolyn took it very seriously. She thought she was a freaking movie star. Trump told her what she had to do was take some time off and spend it with her family, and then get another job."

How ironic that somebody responsible for firing so many people would be fired herself. Wait, that is "ironic" right? I don"t really know the meaning of words. I usually just throw them in if they sound right and hope everything is platypus.

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Jessica Simpson admits in the October issue of Glamour she had her lips artificially plumped last fall.

"I had that Restylane stuff," she says. "It looked fake to me. I didn"t like that. But...it went away in, like, four months. My lips are back to what they were. Thank God!" New York City plastic surgeon Andrew Jacono says Restylane - a protein-based gel - is safer than collagen (which comes from animals): "It"s the gold standard."

I must"ve missed the memo that said looking like this is attractive. Everybody knows what they"re gonna look like if they do it and yet these clowns keep doing it. I can understand wanting to inject weird liquids into your face, but not wanting to look like you just made out with a poisonous cactus for the past six hours.

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Charlotte Church is starting up her own talk show and asked Paris Hilton to be a guest, but had to pass when Paris ended up asking for more than $650,000 just to appear.

"We asked Paris to be on the program because I could take the mick out of her [ridicule her] and not feel at all bad about it - she"s such a complete airhead," Church told a Brit radio show. "But she demanded a ridiculous amount of money - like the price of a big house just to say a few stupid things. She"s hardly going to announce anything world-changing, is she? It"s absolutely pathetic, isn"t it?"

If I had my own talk show I"d pay $650,000 for Paris to appear. Although it wouldn"t technically be a talk show. It"d just be me in my basement with some rope and a crowbar. Which sort of qualifies as a talk show except that there wouldn"t be any talking involved. Unless screaming counts. Because there"d be plenty of that.

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John Travolta was spotted kissing a man as they boarded his 707 airplance in Hamilton, Ontario. This doesn"t mean he"s gay or anything, it just means he has a really strange grasp of proper social behavior. Where most people hug or shake hands, John Travolta gives awkward kisses on the mouth. If I was called a homosexual for everytime I did that I can"t even tell you the number of times I would"ve been called a homosexual. Oh wait, yes I can. Turns out it"s zero. Source

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John Travolta Is Friendly (IDLYITW)
Critics Complain About Scarlett Johansson’s Sex Scene (Egotastic!)

Lance & Paris!?! (Dlisted)
Courtney Love’s Night of Passion (Hollywood Rag)

Are You Ready For Some Fergie? (A Socialite’s Life)
For The Ladies: Marcus Schenkenberg! (Pink Is The New Blog)

Aniston’s Music Man (Just Jared)
Maggie Loves Melons (Popsugar)

Paris Hilton Is A Prissy Bird (City Rag)
Coco Lee & Her Pimp Ice T @ 2006 MTV VMAs (The Bastardly)

Jessica Biel Leaves Her Yoga Class (Yeeeah!)
Optimus Prime Finally Revealed (Popoholic)

50 Dumbest Rock-Star Extravagances (Horny Oyster)

Hollywood Tuna’s Back Catalogue
Beyonce Has A New Name, Rihanna
Someone Please Dress Mariah Carey
Avril Lavigne’s Ass Was Made For Riding
Elle “The Bod” Macpherson’s Body

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